Introduction to Dog Shows

For those of you who go to shows, you may skip this post because you already know everything there is to know around the ring.
For those of you who have an interest in dog shows, perhaps you watch them on T.V. and spend three hours looking for "your dog" (good luck with that), read on, you will find that most of the people that have been released from mental institutions have decided to show dogs.

Dog shows take place nearly every weekend of the year, regardless of weather, war, economy, financial status (we will get into this later) or if your mini van (a requirement) is running well. An ACT OF GOD can stop a dog show, according to the rules. Even if you don't believe there is a God.

Any fool can show a dog, as long as it is AKC registered and intact and you have $25.00. If you don't know what intact means don't even think about showing. However, if you show up with Foo Foo on a flat nylon collar and leather lead with the tags attached just because she is AKC registered be prepared to be treated like the retarded kid next door.

Money, like everything else in life, can make dog showing a very pleasant experience. With money you can advertise your dog in various dog magazines that all of the judges get every month. This makes the judges much more comfortable when they pick your dog as the winner. It must be a good one if it is advertised. Of course not so...there are some butt ugly cripples out there winning like crazy because the owners (sometimes 4 or 5) spend $10,00.00 a month to TELL the judges that this dog is "The Standard" or "Balanced". They don't even know what balanced means. Not to mention Photo Shop. The ugly dog owner's best friend.

With money you can also hire a professional handler. These are an elite few who charge huge amounts of money to drag your ugly cripple around the ring. Do they win? You bet. The judges, most are former handlers, hate to affect their income by dumping them. "I had to put him up, its how he makes his living".

Owner/handlers are the people that drag their OWN ugly cripples around the ring. They are the folks that keep the dog shows flush with cash because there are way more of them then the pro handlers. These are also the folks that are huge offenders when it comes to fashion. Much more on this later.

Owner/Breeder/Handlers as the title implies, created the ugly cripple they are dragging around the ring. These folks always feel they are the third word in the ACT OF GOD rule, almost as much as the pros think they are, because they BRED the ugly cripple, didn't just buy it. Who gives a shit. They are also felony offenders when it comes to fashion.

By now you must be asking yourself, why in the hell would anyone do this. Ah, the favorite answer is "This is an evaluation of breeding stock" . Let the experts decide if your beautiful dog should pass on those genes. The truth? Let the magazines and your income decide if your beautiful dog should pass on those genes.

The other reason is that there are some truly beautiful dogs being shown and it is a delight to watch them go around the ring, and we really love our judges. Most who enjoy their job and adore the dogs.

So stay tuned. Here you will find stupid antics, ugly dogs, really ugly clothes, and some fun!.